“Are you going to change your party affiliation to Democrat?” a friend asked.
I had sparked the question by repeating my joke that had gone viral on social media about a certain Colorado congresswoman having a ball at a Denver playhouse while her lover stayed abreast of the plotline.
Surely when an elected representative to Congress engages in a little heavy petting, vaping, videotaping, and other obnoxious behavior at a sold-out musical with children present, a few jokes are warranted. Family values-touting Congresswoman Lauren Boebert has issued an apology but then she shamelessly told One America News Network it was her “animated personality” that got her kicked out of the theatre.
That’s all fair game for jest, no matter your political party.
But my joke didn’t even garner a smile, not because it was puerile, he’d guffawed plenty at my Congressman Anthony Weiner puns; it was because Boebert is a fellow Republican. “Democrats have done worse. We’re just catching up,” he replied.
For too many Americans politics is a team sport, not the philosophical exercise it is for us policy nerds. When a teammate makes a foul, we’re expected to ignore it or do a little pro bono comms work to justify it. I was being disloyal.
Human beings are groupish by nature. While one can live an atomized existence today, for much of human existence, ostracization from family and clan meant a lonely and untimely death. The need to belong is thus strongly ingrained. That’s why we virtue signal our allegiance to group norms and consider the other tribe’s misdeeds more grievous than our own. In our estimation, their actions get the magnifying glass; ours get the rose-colored filter of good intentions.
For much of my adult life, if asked which political party was more virtuous, I would have said my own. I had evidence: Democrats made craven excuses for Bill Clinton’s affair with a White House intern. Their leaders lied about public policies and impugned good people. They lectured piously about global warming while flying about in private jets. Sure, there are good Democrats, I would have said, but as a group they are more likely to ignore ethical breaches and rank hypocrisy; they believe the ends justify the means.
It took the 2016 election to set me straight. Watching the same people who criticized Clinton embrace Donald Trump was deeply disconcerting. His lies, they said, were mere exaggerations, theater. Lighten up. No one is perfect. Democrats have done far worse. Stop quibbling about the means, focus on ends — winning for once!
Ostracization from a group is psychologically painful but it does clear the head. I know now what should have been obvious all along: people are the same everywhere. Interest trumps ideology. Allegiance clouds our assessment of our own actions and those of our opponents. It’s not a Republican or Democrat thing; it’s human nature.
I have a single standard for behavior without respect to party and I regularly ask myself “how would I feel if the other side did what my side did?” or “if my side did what the other side just did?” It allows me to see past my loyalties.
In fact, it was one of the key questions I asked myself when deciding to participate in a lawsuit challenging former President Donald Trump’s eligibility to run for office again. If a Democrat had attempted to overturn the results of an election by spreading lies, by trying to cajole and intimidate election officials into undermining the process, by fomenting a mob that tried to halt the democratic process through violent means, by delaying action to stop the attack, and by promising to pardon the insurrectionists, would I want Democrats to take these actions seriously?
The answer was yes. Would I want Democrats to uphold the 14th Amendment’s proscription against such actions? Again, yes. Could I ask of others, what I would not ask of myself? No, I could not. I cannot.
To my friend’s question, does my criticism of GOP leaders’ conduct mean I intend to change my party affiliation? No, I remain a Republican because I agree with the party’s stated positions on the free market, school choice, a balanced budget, low taxes, fewer regulations and tariffs, protecting unborn babies, encouraging personal responsibility, maintaining a strong presence in the world, enforcing rule of law, and upholding the Constitution.
Krista L. Kafer is a weekly Denver Post columnist. Follow her on Twitter: @kristakafer
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